So, pull yourself together. You shouldn't be up all night crying. You shouldn't be so afraid to be alone at home. You should grow up. You should figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.
FALSE.
I've been told all of the above and don't believe it.
The list can go on and on and on but it doesn't have to. It's okay to be scared when you're an adult. Adults can cry, you don't lose your tear ducts when you're an adult. You just can't cry like children do, uncontrollably or in public about not getting candy or something of the like. It's okay to not know what you are going to do this time next year - it might make you uneasy but it is okay.
I've been alone just about every other night for the last few weeks and this past week has gotten pretty interesting. Our neighbors seem to be showing their true colors and things are getting a little scary after dark...and wee early hours of the morning. So, it is okay for a 21-year-old adult female to be a little anxious about being home alone, even a little scared.
The one that really gets me though is that I am "supposed to know" what I want to do with the rest of my life and truth is, I hardly know what I am going to do in the next six months let alone the rest of my life. I mean, I know I will still be in school but I really don't know what I am going to do after graduating from college but I am excited to find out...and a little freaked out about what I'm going to do to support myself. You know, like a job.
Is having a "big kid" job really a identifier of a successful person? I hope not because I don't know when I will have one. I'll probably take the first one I am offered though and I'm not saying that I'm not going to try either. I just have lots of ideas about what I want to do. I'd like to get into publishing for a while but I'd also like to do a little bit of teaching. I might like to do editing and writing or maybe even get into producing. Or, another crazy thought, go back to school for a new degree. All big ideas that I'm not sure about yet. I have the rest of my life to find a job that I love, or at least like enough to go to everyday.
Now that I am embarking on my senior year of college, all of this is becoming more real to me. "Growing up," find a job, graduating....not in that order though, I guess.
Hiiiiiii you.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all: don't let the neighbors get to you, and don't be afraid to call the cops. I'm sure they're never going to stop being obnoxious at 3 am until someone stops them.
Second of all: the "big kid" job is not an identifier of a successful person - being happy with your life is. When I was in your position last year I kept thinking that once I graduated I had to find a job, find my career, and begin the rest of forever. And what I've learned since is that that's not at all true. Some people are able to try the first flavor and love it, others settle and stick with it because they're afraid of change, and some realize that they're not satisfied and move on, move on as many times as it takes, until they find theirs. Don't ever settle, and always make yourself happy first. If you do have a situation where you're stuck working a job you don't necessarily want to do for the rest of your life (prime example? myself.) remember that it gets better if you want it to. If you work hard enough, maybe get a little experience under your belt you can move on. Graduation and that first "big kid" job will not define your life, not if you don't let it. To be honest, the process is a bit scary, but being scared means you care.
My advice? Start applying for jobs right when that last semester starts, and apply for everything. Don't make the decision if you're qualified or not, let the employer do that. Anyone can be taught the hard skills of a job, but people look for the soft ones - who you are as a person, how you interact with people, your willingness to learn and grow, maturity, responsibility - that's what will make you stand out. Don't be afraid to hit up the tutor center for help with your resume and cover letters, and never discredit yourself for the work that you've done. To me, college never seemed like a huge deal because it felt like everyone I was closest to was there, in the same boat. But that's not true, that degree is an enormous and amazing accomplishment, and something that you did on your own because you wanted to better your life.
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it." - From Eat. Pray. Love.